Cutie Patootie

My love

There is no greater feeling than that of holding my sweet baby girl. I could spend all day cuddled up with her and miss that feeling of her in my arms when I have to be away from her. Tuesdays are still so hard having to leave her to go to work. I feel sick on my stomach the whole way there and it takes a while to settle in. But you do what you gotta do. It helps knowing she is in good hands at home but I still can't help but think about her all day and wonder how she's doing. My heart definitely belongs to this little girl!!!

Catch up

So it may look as though I took a little break from the blog, but it has just been a really hectic week and finding the time to sit down and write has not been very easy nor has it been priority. So here is a recap of the past week.

We went to my cousin's wedding last weekend and took Kelsie to both the ceremony and the reception. It was an evening wedding and overlapped with her bedtime, but we made it work. She was overtired as I expected and had a few outbursts at the wedding. But thankfully it was outside and I was able to sit on the outer pew and slip out from the arbor onto the lawn when she started getting fussy so there wasn't too much disruption.  She took a little nap on the way to reception but then got fussy again which I'm sure was just a combination of being tired, hungry, and overstimulated. One little hiccup there was finding a way to warm her bottle - something that slipped our minds up to that point. But we found a way. All and all, it was quite an exhausting ordeal but we survived! I only had time to snap a couple pictures.

Then Monday-Thursday Nathan was out of town in PA on business. So Kelsie and I were at home alone for the first time without daddy! It was a bit of a downer for me if I'm honest. We were both glad to have him home!

Daddy had to give a little shoulder ride before he left. 

Kelsie thinks its so funny to ride so tall on daddy's shoulders! It is a sure way to make her laugh!

This week was also my mom's last week keeping Kelsie for the summer and Cathy's first week. Cathy came up on Wednesday and then ended up bringing Kelsie to me at work Wednesday evening so we could go to my mom's - an overnight stay that was more difficult than it was worth!! It was Valerie's first day of work and I wanted to see her and hear about her day, and just thought visiting with my family beat sitting around home alone for the evening.  And because I was really exhausted, I just thought visiting my parents would be helpful all around. Well, not so much. As Kelsie always does when we stay away from home, she tried to stay up to late, got overtired, and fought sleep tooth and nail. And it didn't help that I was completely worn out! Mom and I ended up driving her around Erect for about 30 minutes until she was sound asleep. Once we finally did go to sleep, she still woke up a couple of times, and after she ate at 6:00am, she didn't want to go back to sleep, so instead of fighting it, I put her in the car and drove home. That sleep deprivation carried over during the day as well and just made for an exhausting day and evening for both of us!

Pictures from our evening at mom and dad's

Kelsie got to sit on the tractor with grandpa

We always see deer in our neighborhood. They spend alot of time in our yard in the evenings, but on this day they were just grazing on the side of the street in the middle of the day. I saw them over and over again....because I was circling the neighborhood getting Kelsie to sleep! :) 

Saturday was nice because for once, we had a day when Nathan and I were both off and didn't have any plans. So we went out to 2 of our favorite places, BuyBuy Baby and Trader Joes! We bought the baby food maker I have been wanting in preparation for Kelsie starting solid foods! Its so hard to believe its already that time! We gave her a little cereal that night too. Valerie also came up and I helped her with some projects for her classroom!! She starts as the new 2nd grade teacher at Guy B. Teachey Elementary in Asheboro! We are so proud of her and excited to see her start her career! 

Come on' mom, you're not feeding me fast enough!

Eating from a spoon is pretty fun! And messy too!

This is good stuff!!

I think I'll just lick the bowl...

Our little rascal is becoming more and more mobile. She isn't crawling yet, but can scoot herself backwards in not time! She was in front of the NC one minute, and the next, she was under the cabinet unable to go back any further because her butt was stuck. Can't take your eye off the little booger for long!

Yesterday (Sunday), was cousin Will's 2nd birthday party at Nathan's parents' house. Two is a fun age and we enjoyed sharing that day with sweet little Will and the rest of the family.

Kelsie did well at the party but was so exhausted! And I was also stressed and worried about her because I felt she may be getting sick. For the past 3-4 days, I have had a scratchy throat and felt a cold coming on. This scares me because I know if I get sick, she is likely to as well...and I really dread seeing how her CF is going to react to her getting sick. 

Taking it all in at the party, but clearly exhausted and not feeling the best.

She hasn't started getting any sniffles or coughing but isn't eating well at all. Yesterday (the day of the party), she would only eat for a couple of minutes and then push away. She threw up after her 1st two feedings of the day, even though she only ate for 2-3 minutes. She seemed better overnight and took 2 good feedings in the middle of the night but today hasn't eaten well either. However, as a result of her not eating yesterday, I got backed up and am now battling mastitis again. So I know she isn't getting as much milk from me, but even when I give it from the bottle she acts like she doesn't want it. I'm worried her throat may be hurting too. She has also just been more clingy, wanting to be held, cries if I leave the room and just generally acting more tired. Her doctor called today to check in and schedule her 6 month CF checkup and when I told her how she wasn't eating well, she seemed concerned and said she would want to see her either way to make sure everything is ok. I am just praying this doesn't turn into a sickness. I dread the first time she gets sick with a cough!!

My baby has CF...

Sometimes that thought just cycles through my mind over and over and over. We have known about this diagnosis for 5 months now, but still, I can hardly stand to think about it. However, thinking about it is impossible to avoid. It is on my mind on a daily basis, some days hitting me harder than others. I know I should try to learn more about it and read the materials they gave us when she was diagnosed, but I still can't do it. We have yet to watch the DVD they gave us about families living with Cystic Fibrosis. Seriously, when is a good time to say, "grab the popcorn, lets watch this video about how this disease is going to affect our baby".  Frankly, I don't want to hear about it. I can't bear to think about what it could do to her lungs and how it is going to affect her life one day. There have been times, I have felt the urge to go to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation website and peruse through the vast information available there, but once there, I start feeling frustrated and sad. So I stop. And instead, I direct all of my attention to my sweet, happy baby girl. I don't want the thoughts of that disease to rob me of the joy right in front of me. So for now, I try to focus on her and remind myself that she may have this underlying disease but in every other way she is happy and healthy and just like any other 5 month old!

So I will face all the details of this disease as they come. Thinking about pneumonia, and hospital stays, and home IV therapy, and lung transplantation is too much for me to bear right now. So I trust that if the day ever comes that we have to face those things, God will give me the strength I need to make it through at that moment. But for now, I believe He just wants me to trust Him and not get to caught up in the "what ifs?". Even though I can't imagine something happening to my baby, I am confident that if God allows that to come into our lives, He will carry us through it. And carry me it would have to be, because I wouldn't be able to do it alone. 

One way I can try to explain how I feel about it is by using this analogy:
Imagine being somewhere you love very much, a place that is very new and exciting with lots of new to things to see and do and experience. But there is a dark and ominous storm cloud in the distance and you know its coming in your direction. You don't know exactly how long it will take to get there, but you know its coming. And you know it has caused lots of damage and loss of life along its path. However, the weather is beautiful and sunny and just perfect where you so all you can do is enjoy all the wonderful things that place has to offer and pray that the storm miraculously dissipates before it causes too much damage. 

And one more thought: while my baby may have CF, CF will never have her!

Kelsie meets Ava!

My friend Kelly had her baby on July 27th and last week we went to visit. She is absolutely adorable! I am so excited to see her and Kelsie grow up together and look forward to all the many play dates to come.

Surprise Nana and Sleepover at Grandma/pa's

We had a bit of a wild weekend! Nathan's mom's coworkers gave her a surprise dinner party Saturday night and we were asked to help get her there without her being suspicious! We got Nathan's dad in on it and he tricked her into thinking they were going out to dinner with some people he worked with. Instead, she walked into a room full of her coworkers and family, all there to support her in this next chapter of her life. It was so much fun and I'm glad we could be a part of it. I know she is thrilled to move from fulltime worker to "stay at home Nana" and we are very thankful for her desire to do so!

SURPRISE!

Kelsie and her Aunt Emily

Nice shoulder full of drool, thanks Kelsie ;)

We had a great time at dinner even though, I was a little on edge just waiting for Kelsie to meltdown since we were keeping her up past her bedtime. But I was actually surprised how well she did! She had a few outbursts but never really got fussy. We fed her there, let her "socialize" as much as a 5 month old can, put her PJs on before we left, and let her fall asleep in the car. We decided to spend the night with my parents which is about 30-40 minutes from where we ate dinner.  Kelsie slept the whole way there and I told Nathan "she has done just perfectly, I coulnd't have scripted it any better!". (Well I would pay for that later.) So when we got to my parents, I carried her in without waking her up and then out of no where she started squirming and just threw up all over my arm. I guess she got a little queasy from the car ride, but needless to say, that woke her up and she couldn't seem to settle down after that. Then as soon as she realized that we were at grandma and grandpas, she decided she wasn't tired anymore and just wanted to play! So she ended up staying up for another hour playing and then had to eat again before going to bed.

Supposed to be sleeping...but I'd rather play with Aunt Bubba instead!

Yesterday we took her to church with my parents and she did fairly well. It overlapped with her naptime but with so much stimulation around her, she was not having any part of going to sleep! I hoped that as we got back to my parents, that she would fall asleep easily, but nope, wasn't having that either! Everyone was saying, "she doesn't want to sleep, she just wants to play, don't force her to sleep"...and even though I knew the reason she was fussing was because she was soooo tired and just desperately needed a nap, I had no choice but to let her stay up until after her next feeding when we could put her in the car and come home. Well, we paid for that royally last night! The result of an overtired baby is not very pleasant to say the least! But once she finally got to sleep last night around 10:30 pm, she slept well. And she is taking a long nap this morning, apparently catching up and recovering from her big weekend!

Daddy on duty

I am working from home tonight so Nathan has had to take care of Kelsie. But poor thing has just given him a hard time! We're not too sure what is wrong exactly, but she has just has had the worst time trying to sleep - not wanting to fall asleep, and then waking up crying when she is asleep. She does have a tendency to fight it from time to time if she is too tired but has never really woken up like this.  Poor Nathan has had to try to battle this on his own and thankfully, he finally has her back to sleep. Working from home is great but tonight it has been very challenging! I have had to make myself sit at my desk and take calls instead of intervening everytime I've heard her cry. Nathan assured me he had it under control but hearing her cry and not being able to jump in has just been VERY hard on mommy!! I am hoping that this is all just a result of her being overtireda nd that she will finally get some rest. We have had a big weekend and she has missed way too much sleep! Went to bed late last night and skipped a couple naps today but hopefully she will get a good nights sleep and will be back to herself tomorrow!

this and that

 My family went to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago but we weren't able to go. This is the first time we haven't all been able to go on vacation together and I really missed it. My sister and her boyfriend were invited to a wedding so my parents decided to tag along and just make a vacation out of it; but it wasn't really feasible for us to travel that far with a 4 month old. So we stayed behind. They brought back a few goodies for Kelsie though. Here is Kelsie with the penguin my dad picked out for her!

I like to chew on his beak

I'm getting so big! And mommy says I'm the cutest! ;)

Kelsie is at the age where she is just developing so fast...each day she seems to be getting a little stronger, a little more communicative, and a lot more interested in every thing around her. 

She is trying really hard to crawl. She can't seem to get those arms up and moving though. 

She is essentially sitting up completely on her own now. Only a little wobbly from time to time but mommy still isn't comfortable moving more than arms length away in case she tumbles. She can also now lean forward and then sit back up again on her own.

Thats right...it feels good, doesn't it!? :)

I love that face!

She is giving mommy lots of kisses these days and I just can't get enough! 

When I say, "give mommy a kiss", this is what happens.... :)

 

 

I LOVE her to pieces!!

I could just eat her up! She's so sweet! 

Kelsie is definitely showing interest in foods now. We usually sit her in the bumbo on the table at mealtime so we can eat together. She really lets us know that she wants what we're having by sucking on her bottom lip and saying "uummmmm". If I weren't so concerned about her nutrition, I would probably go ahead and start solids, but I know my breastmilk is best for her for the 1st 6 months and I don't want any other foods to displace her intake of milk. So as the doctor ordered, we will hold off just a little longer....

But a taste every now and then won't hurt anything! Last night we gave her a couple bites of banana...

...and because it is fresh fruit, no enzymes necessary!

"yum yum yum, i think i like it!"

this is different...

i want some more!

First time on daddy's shoulders!! I'm sure she'll getting many more rides up there! 

Enzyme update

Giving enzymes has gotten much easier! I still remember the first time I had to give her those little beads mixed in applesauce at just 3 weeks old. It was only 1/2 cap but she gagged and I cried. She is now taking 2 1/2 capfuls and is able to take them out of a spoon, making it much easier for both of us! She will have to take these the rest of her life with every meal and every snack. They are literally vital for her. So until she is able to swallow the capsules whole, we will have to keep coming up with new ways to give them.

Trying to crawl!

Kelsie is trying to crawl! She's figuring out how to move her knees up to push off. but she doesn't yet understand how to use her arms to make herself go.  She'll be on the go before we know it!

Giggles and kisses!

We crave this little girl's laughter and think it is one of the sweetest sounds on Earth!

Her kisses are the BEST!!