I don't understand

God I don't understand. I don't understand why my child has to have this chronic and "life-shortening" illness. I don't understand why innocent children have to suffer and why terrible things happen to good people every day. But I also don't understand why you decided to bless me so immensely with this perfect little gift in the first place. I don't understand why you shower me with your grace and your love even though I mess up all the time. I don't understand how you can love us so much that you would give your son to die for us. There is a lot I don't understand. What I do understand is that YOU are my God. You made everything. You know everything. You love me. And You love my baby. You made me Kelsie's mommy. And that is the greatest gift You could have ever given me. You also knew what You were doing when you knitted her together piece by piece in my womb. You made her, and You made her mine. So I don't have to understand "why?", I just have to trust that You do.

Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, somehow there's peace.

It hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something heavenly.

(Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing)