Freeze time

I feel like there has been a lot of special bonding between Kelsie and I this week. I can't put my finger on it, but its just all these sweet moments added together that have made us feel even closer. On numerous occasions this week, I have thought...I just wish I could keep her like this forever. 

I notice how sweet and loving she is and how she now displays affection towards me like I do to her. Sometimes, she will be sitting next to me or with her head on my shoulder and will just randomly say "I love you mommy". I then say "I love you too Kelsie" and she replies, "I love you more!" and on and on it goes! :) I can assure you, I wouldn't take anything for those moments. Absolutely priceless!

Somedays its like I can just see her changing right before my eyes! I can just see her maturing into this little girl day by day. I've decided 3 is this age where you still see them as a baby in some ways, but also start to notice this mature little person developing. They are able to have conversations with you and are so inquisitive about everything around them. They start to figure out how the world works a little more each day. I am finding so much joy just watching her and witnessing all of her new discoveries. I can just see her soaking in everything around her. Her curiosity and imagination are at a peak right now and I want to encourage every ounce of it! I love how she literally raises her little finger to scratch her head when you say a new word and she says "hmmm, what's a ______? (Today it was "art festival".) There are so many opportunities to teach, so many things to encourage and at the same time a responsibility to foster the right behaviors and tame the negative ones. I notice her trying to be just like me (reminding me to always be kind, speaky gently, be patient, speak respect, and behave like I want her to behave).

I am really excited about the next year with a 3 year old. I have heard 3 is the worst in terms of behavior and two weeks ago, I was believing it! But somehow we got over that one week of her really pushing the limits to the extreme, and this week has been completely better. We have spent a lot of time together and have had so much fun! I just love hearing what she has to say every day. I love hearing her heart express itself and learning what her mind thinks of. And I make sure I tell her too! What an absolute joy it is to be her mother and to watch her grow, day by day, minute by minute! More in love every day!

 Museum of Life and Science

Home all day yesterday...she had fever all day and was definitely quite the snuggle bug!

Such a sweet heart she has!

It is still hard to leave Kelsie behind when I have to go to work. I love my job, don't get me wrong, but I do really miss being home with her. Especially when she asks me to "please stay home and play with me" and says "but I'm going to miss you." And this morning she stood at the door with that pitiful look on her face as I drove away. No crying anymore, but clearly sad that we have to be a apart.

We do have a strong and wonderful bond, she and I. I can't even describe it. The love we have for each other is just something only we can understand. I feel it more every day. And it feels even sweeter now that she is getting older and more able to express it in words. Many times this week, she will just randomly be staring at me and say "I yuv you mommy!" There is nothing greater than hearing those genuine, heartfelt words from little one! Oh its just so sweet!

And the greeting I get when I walk through the door after coming home from work (or anywhere really) is just priceless! She runs to me yelling "mommy, mommy, mommy!" with that look of pure joy on her face as she wraps me up in a hug and buries her face in my neck.

Today, she did this and then said, "mommy, you yook so pitty!" She later told me again "I yuv you mommy, you sooooo pitty! You yook yike a pitty pitty pincess!" What sweet sweet words from that precious child! I love that she is learning to compliment others with no one even asking her to. I later told her I was going to change clothes but she said "No, I want you yook yike a princess!" I guess its safe to say she liked the skirt I was wearing! 

We also had our dinner outside tonight. Nathan picked up subs so it was a nice picnic outside. Weather was gorgeous!! 

Lying on my legs watching the clouds! 

3 years of gratitude

Three years ago today, I got the call informing me that Kelsie had Cystic Fibrosis. I still remember every horrible detail of that moment as if it just happened! The sadness, the fear, the disbelief, the uncertainty, the anger.... I really had no idea what her first 3 years would be like, but praise God, she has been such a healthy little girl! Today, she had her routine CF follow up, tried big girl PFTs for the first time, and continues to get a good report from her doctor. I just live each day with gratitude for how healthy she has been so far and pray that God will continue to protect her little body! Thanks to all of you who have and continue to support us along this journey!

 

Doing PFTs for the first time. After she did it she said "that wasn't so scary!" 

Tending to meltdowns

Well first of all, since I haven't updated the blog since Kelsie had RSV, I should say that it has completely cleared up. No more cough, runny nose, nothing! So thankful she got over it so well! Her next follow up with her CF doctor is Tues March 11 and she will get to do her first PFTs (pulmonary function test) without sedation. She will have to do different blowing/breathing excercises and they will measure how well her lungs work. I expect this will be normal (have no reason to think otherwise) but I guess there is a chance the CF is taking more a toll on her lungs than is visible on the outside. So we shall see. I'll try to remember to update after that visit.

The reason for the post today is to just share a sweet moment I had with her today. I want to look back one day and remember this because it was just so sweet and my mommy heart overflow! She had just had a long todder crying fit over naptime, and covers not being situated just right, and her pillow being messed up, and babies not fixed right, and this and that, and I had almost lost my patience! I had been back and forth to her room several times but the last time, I held onto my patience just a little longer and decided to just lay down in bed with her and hold her and sing to her. I sang several songs and she even requested Jesus Loves me.  Once she had calmed down, I told her I was singing one more song and then I was going back downstairs. When it was over, I was expecting her to start crying again. But instead, she said ok and then thanked me for helping her feel better saying "Thanks mom, you're the best!" That is the first time she has ever told me that with such sweetness and sincerity!! I'm am so glad I put aside my stern side in that moment and and just stayed the extra 5-10 minutes to attend to whatever emotional meltdown was going on inside her little head. It clearly meant alot to her and was so worth it! And definitely one of those moments I will learn from as well! Love that girl to pieces!!

RSV has invaded

Written on Tues 2/4/14

Kelsie has her first bad respiratory infection. If started last Thursday (5 days ago) and has literally beat us up. Poor Kelsie has coughed so violently, it is scary! 

The cough started on Thursday afternoon and the unusual and harsh sound of it gave me the sinking feeling that it was going to be something bad. And sure enough, it has been terrible! Thursday night she spiked a fever of 102 and by morning after the ibuprofen wore off, it was 104.1. She was coughing to the point of gagging, and breathing faster. I took her to the doctor and they did a viral respiratory panel, a chest X-ray, a CBC and blood culture, an antibiotic shot and also ordered oral antibiotics. The chest X-ray and CBC later showed it looked more viral so we held off on the oral antibiotics. 

We went back in yesterday and found out the viral panel was positive for RSV. That virus can be very serious in babies but in older kids and adults, it usually just looks like a cold. However, it can still hit younger kids in the lower respiratory tract and cause more problems breathing, which has been the case with Kelsie. Because she has CF, we have to worry more about the potential of developing a bacterial infection in her lungs. The extra mucous created by the virus will be a breeding ground for bacteria. And the nature of the disease is such that her mucous is going to be stickier and more difficult to clear, making it easier for bacteria to settle in. Hence, the cause of my increased worry! 

So this is kind of a summary to catch you up on how she has been since this all started. Friday night she slept 12.5 hours. Still coughed some and had a fever of 104 but she slept most of the night. The next 3 nights, however, have been a different story! She coughs as soon as she lays down and cannot get more than 10-15 minutes of sleep without waking up coughing. And her cough isn't something she can just sleep through. It has been so forceful and gagging that she has to sit up and almost throws up. She is crying each time, saying it hurts and she needs to throw up. And she is clearly just so exhausted from all the energy if takes to cough, on top of not getting any rest for the past few days. The best way I have found for her to sleep is on me. Which is what she is doing now. (Thank God for this little iPhone so I can still feel semi-productive.) 

I just feel so helpless at night. I hold her upright as long as she will let me and that helps until her next coughing spell. But last night, I don't think I slept at all until 5:30 this morning. Every time I would get her to sleep and make it back to my room, she would wake up again! She finally got a little rest this morning between 8-10am and is trying to take a nap on my chest now. She has already had 2 bad coughing spells in the past hour and a half but resting better than yesterday at nap so that's good. She has still had fever too (day 5 now). Her pulmonologist called in an oral antibiotic because she is worried that this is developing into something bacterial and likely inevitable that she will need antibiotics. 

So we are starting that and praying for a better night tonight!! And a quick recovery!! Her doctor did warn that it may take her a while to get over this cough. 😥 It is just sucking all the strength out of her! It can't go on at this level much longer! At least I hope not! 

Sweet little momma

Babies! Babies! Babies!! 

She goes to bed like this every night. We have to line them up beside of her and she has to cover them up just right! She even calls out to me at night to fix their covers when they get pulled off. 

Nurse Kelsie taking care of princess Ana!

I found her in her room reading to her babies. So sweet! 

3 generations I guess! Lol

Dress up

Kelsie got a big trunk of dress up clothes for Christmas! Here is just one of her adorable outfits...

Just gave me a little glimpse into the future and I had to hold back tears just imagining that day! :)

FROZEN!

Kelsie is absolutely crazy about the newest Disney movie, Frozen! We have seen it 4 times in the theatre and its all she talks about, and all she wants to play. She got the 2 Princesses from the movie from Santa and they have definitely been the hit toys! But what she loves even more than the dolls themselves is pretending she is actually one of them! She asks me to play the part of one of the sisters every day! On Monday of this week, we stayed home all day and I cannot even count how many times I had to lay on the floor, pretend to be "Elsa", get woken up by my sister "Ana", get asked to build a snowman, run around the room, make magic snow, make ice, and rescue poor Ana after I struck her with my powers. It was cute the first few times and then I was feeling a little impatient, and then annoyed. But she would have nothing to do with playing anything else! ALL day. Every day, she is bringing out more and more of the scenes to act out and songs to sing. Its actually quite entertaining. She might just have a thing for acting one day!!

She has also started calling me "Elsa". At night after I put her to bed, she calls back out to me by saying "Elsa!" Elsa!..."I need ___". And she evens wakes up in the mornings and at naptime calling "Elsa". Starting to concern me ever so slightly... She does still call me mommy some too. But mostly its Elsa. The other night as we were wrapped up in a sweet hug, I said "I love you Kelsie" and she responded "I love you too Elsa".  When I say, no I want to be mommy. She says "NO! You are Elsa" and same thing when I call her Kelsie..."No, I not Kelsie, I Ana!"  Wondering how long this will last...?

Since the movie has a lot of snow and ice involved, we are even more excited to see it snow this year. So last week, I told Kelsie we should pray and ask God to send us some snow! So, low and behold...two days ago, we woke up to a blanket of snow in the front yard. I said to Kelsie "God made it snow!" and she became responded, "No, God didn't make it snow!!!! Elsa did!!!!!" Oh boy oh boy!!

Here is a video of us acting out one of the scenes where little sister Ana wakes up big sister Elsa.
http://youtu.be/0UnGWVPD_ss

And here she is singing the hit song from the movie "Let it go" - she doesn't know much more of the lyrics than that! ;)
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10101777405871208&l=5327085111850291311

Sleepover

Kelsie asked me tonight, "mommy, will you sleep with me?" And I replied, "no, baby, I'm going to sleep in my bed." And she sweetly said, "please mommy, it will be a fun sleepover."  I don't usually lay down with her, but seriously...who could resist that!?

Kiser Christmas

So excited to see my Kiser family tonight and spend time with so many wonderful people that mean so much to me but I rarely get to see anymore. Thank you so much, mom, for keeping up this tradition and getting us all together as often as you can. Grandma would be so proud and I know she is smiling down on us tonight. Oh how I wish she could see how her family has grown in the past 14 years since she's been gone. How I miss her still! 💗

Baby doll sleepover!

And it continued into morning. Oh how this child loves to take care if her baby dolls. 

She is even in the back seat right now holding her baby doll. And if we talk, she tells us "shhhhhh, be ky-et(quiet), my baby seeping". So sweet!

Fun with the Elf

Our Elf came from the North Pole. His name is Gabe. Here are a few of his shenanigans. :)

Christmas fun

This has been a fun Christmas season! Kelsie understands a lot more this year than last, of course, and she is just at a fun age full of joy and excitement! We have decorated the tree, baked Christmas cookies, built a gingerbread house, had a visit with Santa, had fun at "Little Elves Workshop" Sweetarts class, watched the new Disney movie Frozen, went Christmas shopping, wrapped presents, played with our Nativity scene, and most importantly talked about Jesus's birth and the reason we celebrate Christmas. 

Some of Kelsie's favorite things so far have been carrying around the "widdle tiny baby Jee-us".
She wants to wrap presents all the time. She will get the wrapping paper and put several random toys on it, and then ask me to help her wrap it. Then she will give it to Nathan or I and say "Merry Christmas!" (or Happy Birthday)! She is definitely in the giving spirit. She is always trying to give us something and loves our excited reaction as we receive it.

Christmas morning is going to be so much fun!

Singing, dancing, and doing crafts at my SweetArts class in the "Little Elves Workshop" and Kelsie absolutely loved it. She kept looking at me saying, "dis so exciting!' and the entire week after she would talk about it and ask "we come back?" which means "can we go back?"

Tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle

CF checkup

Kelsie had her routine CF checkup today and as expected, everything is great! They were so very pleased with how well she is doing. Her nutritional status was "outstanding" and she continues to remain 50-75th percentile for weight and BMI and close to the 80th percentile for height. She weighed 33.3lbs! She has gained 7lbs since this time last year. And most importantly, she hasn't needed antibiotics in over a year!!! I can't even express how thankful I am for her health. When she was diagnosed, I expected a much different outcome with multiple respiratory infections but that hasn't been the case at all. She has had probably 3 little colds this year but only had a little runny nose or nasal congestion. No cough at all in over a year. I just remember this time last year we were going in for her bronchoscopy anticipating a likely admission but everything turned out fine and she hasn't even really gotten sick since. So thankful to God! I know He is taking care of her and protecting her each and every day. 

Here are some pictures from our visit today. Her doctor just moved so we got to meet her new doctor, Dr. Dellon and we just loved her! Kelsie was not shy either. She was talking up a storm and sharing all kinds of random memories with her!! "Member(remember), I jup(just)...." and on and on she would go with any random story on her mind. I just love how talkative she is! So much fun! 

Checking her ears...(she LOVES getting check ups, and giving them too!)

And her nose...

A puzzle and a snack while we wait...

Reading a book to daddy while wait..

And posing in front of the pretty Christmas tree in the lobby...