Hope

Sometimes I look ahead and wonder what this disease is going to do to my baby. And at times fear of the unknown tries to pull me down. But then I am reminded of God's amazing love for us and for my sweet Kelsie. In Him, I find hope. From Him, I seek peace and patience and endurance and through Him, I find the strength physically and emotionally to deal with this diagnosis.  Doctors offer encouragement by explaining all the scientific advances coming down the pipeline for CF.  I am so thankful for these new therapies because they are there to improve outcomes and save lives of people with CF and will be vital in Kelsie's care. There is also alot of talk about the hope for a cure and so much research is being poured into that endeavor. As a mother to a child newly diagnosed with CF, I know that my family and I will become active in supporting this research and 100% committed to the cause for advancements in CF.  While all of this research is so promising, I still find the most comfort entrusting my daughter's future in the hands of our Heavenly Father. I know He will see us through.

"Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Mesmerized

What is Cystic Fibrosis anyway?

Since sharing the news that Kelsie has Cystic Fibrosis (CF), we have had an outpouring of support from friends and families. But also realize that many people don't even know what CF is. So I just wanted to share what the disease is, how a person gets it, and what it means to have it.  But first and foremost, I want people to understand that a person with CF looks and acts just like anyone else! This disease would not cause Kelsie to be mentally or physically impaired...in fact I fully expect her to be as smart as her father and as independent as her mother! She can do all the things other kids do and will have the same opportunities she would have if she didn't have the disease. She is still my beautiful and precious daughter and I can't wait to discover her unique personality, her talents, her intelligence, her strengths, her beauty, her sense of humor, her dreams, her aspirations, and everything else that makes her KELSIE. Yes this diagnosis is a medical condition so she will have more treatments and symptoms than most kids but I have a feeling it will not slow her down or keep her from enjoying the best life can offer. And if anything, the trials she will face will make her an even stronger and independent person, qualities that will make her stand out among her peers.

So here is a bit of education for those interested:
Cystic Fibrosis is a genetic disease that is inherited. In CF, both parents have to be carriers of the disease to pass it to the baby. As a carrier, you do not have the disease and you do not have any symptoms so in most cases, you have no idea.  In our case, neither Nathan nor I knew we carriers of the CF gene and no one in our family knew of any family history.

In CF, there is a problem with the exchange of salt and water between the cells. This causes the body to make unusually thick and sticky mucous.  This predominantly affects the body is 2 ways:
  1) LUNGS: The thick mucous clogs the ariways in the lungs making it hard to clear. When mucous sits in the lungs, it provides a good environment for bacteria to grow, increasing the risk of lung infection and inflammation.   Over time, multiple lung infections can lead to chronic lung damage. 
 2) PANCREAS: The thick secretions block the ducts in the pancreas so digestive enzymes are unable to get into the intesttines to break down fats, proteins and carbohydrates. This malabsorption (or pancreatic insufficiency) leads to problems digesting food and gaining weight.  

CF is a chronic condition so Kelsie will have it her entire life and there is currently no cure. But there are treatements and preventative measures. So knowing that this is what is going on in Kelsie's body, we have to do a few things everyday to keep her healthy! These are the basics but they will be modified as she grows and more will be added if/when she gets sick.

 1) For her lungs :
       - Preventing infection - wash our hands like crazy, make anyone who enters our home or wants to touch her wash their hands, use hand sanitizers when we are out in public, and keep her away from sick people!
       - Chest PT - pat on her back and sides over her lung fields to help loosen and drain the mucous in her lungs - the purpose of this is to clear the airway and prevent infections from growing in stagnant mucous.  
        - Keep the air in our home as clean as possible - this was not ordered as absolutely necessary but we figured it could only help - so we have purchased air purification systems for upstairs and downstairs
         - Avoid tobacco smoke and other air pollution

2) For her digestive problems :
         - Breastfeed as usual - this is all the calories she needs right now. But in the future she will be on a high calorie/high fat diet including salty foods - very atypical of what considered a healthy diet. But with Kelsie, she can eat all the fat and calories she wants and will never be overweight!! (The challenge will be for Nathan and I to provide the calories and fat she needs without gaining weight ourselves!!)
         - Give enzymes with every feeding - this replaces the enzymes that are unable to make their way into her intestines to break down the food. These are in the form of capsules so I have to break open the capsule and sprinkle the beads in applesauce. Enzymes are a very important part of her daily routine and something she will have to take with every meal and snack for the rest of her life.  If not, not only will she not absorb the nutrients she needs, but she will also likely have tummy pain, gas, bloating, and large, greasy stools. 
        - Give Vitamins A, B, D, E, K

3) General:
        - Give salt - due to the problem with salt/water exchange, her body loses salt more easily so we have to give her a little everyday to help replace what she is losing
        - Keep her from overheating and/or getting dehydrated       

Hopefully that was somewhat helpful for those interested!

Chest PT

Sleep is a wonderful thing!

Kelsie has been having some tummy troubles lately and its hard to know if its just typical baby reflux, if its discomfort related to the CF, or if its from all the new meds we have to put in her little body. This has definitely disprupted her sleep which obviously disrupts our sleep and just makes me feel anxious and worried about her. A couple nights ago, she was so uncomfortable. She would eat and then go back to sleep but then she would wake up 5-30 min later grunting and fussing needing to burp or spit up. Reflux has been a big issue so I even tried elevating the head of her mattress but it still didn't help. There have been so many variables in her care that it makes it difficult to know exactly what to change.  So after much trial and error with her meds and feedings, I decided to break the rules and see if putting her on her tummy would help. And let me tell you, that has made the BIGGEST difference. For the 2nd night in a row, she has slept so well! She wakes up every 3 1/2 hours to eat and is back down within 30 minutes and hardly any spit up. And after 2 nights of this good sleep, not only is she feeling better, but I also feel like a new woman! I even felt brave enough to take a shower yesterday morning while she was sleeping! BIG STEP I tell you! I have been really nervous about leaving her alone at any time but especially while she is sleeping because her reflux is so bad, she sometimes chokes on it.  But since putting her on her tummy, this has not been an issue.  She still has the reflux and yesterday even vomited a couple of times but I think this is related to the vitamins she is taking.  There has been so much alteration in her care each day but I'm starting to figure out which feeding/sleeping and med schedule works best for her. Slowly, but surely, we are figuring this out!

Oh but if I remove my mommy hat and put back on my Pediatric Nurse Practitioner hat...I must say "PUT BABIES ON THEIR BACKS TO SLEEP!" It really is the safest ways for babies to sleep, but in special situations, tummy may be needed. 

Lovin on Kelsie!! Nothing sweeter!

4 weeks old...and we have weight gain!!! :)

Kelsie is 1 month old today!!! She had her 1 month check up and we are pleased to learn that she now weighs 7lbs 15oz!!! So she has gained 14 oz in just 7 days and that is just super!! I am very encouraged by this because weight gain means that the enzymes must be working.

We also had another good day. I actually ate breakfast and lunch today! That is a big deal because for whatever reason, I have had a hard time finding time to do those simple necesities each day. I also felt alot better today which I imagine has something to do with getting in some good nutrition. Mom came up and went to Kelsie's appointment with me and is spending the night so it has been nice having her here as well. I'm very thankful she is here - especially after the accident we had earlier. I was changing a poopy diaper and was being lazy -- I didn't slide the clean diaper under before I took the old one out and Kelsie peed soaking the changing table and her onesie! The onesie was literally soaking wet and therefore the back of the harness became soaked with pee pee as well. I couldn't stand the idea of her just sitting in the urine soaked harness until it dried - not to mention the smell that would set in. It was already covered in lots of spit up so was stained and stinky from that as well.   All that being said, we decided to take on the task of washing the harness! This is a big no-no according to the ortho Dr because we were told not to take it off for anything!(easy for them to say!) But..... we came up with a way to do it while still keeping her hips in place and I think we did a pretty good job.  We still had the 1st harness they put her in, so we decided to switch them out - VERY CAREFULLY without moving her hips!! After we got it off, my mom did a speedy handwashing job, daddy dried it quickly, while I kept Miss Kelsie from kicking her legs. It was a success and now looks and smells soooo much better!! Here are a few pictures from today.

I spit up so much so mommy had to put this big bib on me.

Talking to grandma.

Had a fully belly and slept through her Drs appt, the exam didn't even bother her. She's such a trooper! 

Best support system ever!

We are so blessed to have such a wonderful support system. I could not imagine a family or friends more loving or supportive! It makes such a difference to have family and friends jump in to help out with laundry, food, groceries, and to just be here to love and encourage us.  We have been getting lots of visits from some of our favorite people and we are SOOOO appreciative of everyones help! I don't know how we could have done it without this support. And of course, Kelsie enjoys all the extra love and attention too.

snuggling with cousin Katie :)

propped up looking outside watching grandpa make funny faces

Aunt Valerie came for a surprise visit from Boone. Kelsie was taking it all in!

Newborn photos

Before Kelsie was even born, we had scheduled her newborn photo shoot. Then when we learned that she had hip dislocation and would have to wear the harness, I was very disappointed that we would no longer be able to do the photos I had hoped for.  But after we thought about it and discussed it with the photographer, we decided to go ahead and have it done. We didn't get the cute naked baby photos we had planned on, but were still able to capture my beautiful 1 week old just like she was. Here are a few of her photos that the photographer posted on her blog. Unfortunately, I don't have the digital files so can't post my favorites.

http://clphoto.typepad.com/

Good day!

Today was a good day...and definitely needed. Kelsie was very alert and content all day. We also got a break from giving some of her meds because she doesn't seem to be tolerating them very well. Yesterday was a hard day for me. Kelsie slept most of the day and just seemed uncomfortable. She was spitting up so much and even vomited a few times. Its so frustrating to me when this happens because I know she needs all the nutrition she can get so she will gain weight so I try so hard to keep her from spitting up so much. But with all these new meds, there are so many variables, making it hard to know what is causing her to get sick. Yesterday, I just felt defeated and overwhelmed by the tasks filling our day but worrying about her made it that much worse. I just hate it when she feels bad. Sometimes I look at her and see her innocence and just how fragile and delicate she is and it makes me so sad and sometimes even mad that she has to go through this. I just pray over her and plead with God to protect her from infection and keep her healthy and thriving so she can live a long and happy life.  And as much responsibility as I feel and as much as I try to control, I know that ultimately I must hand her future to God and trust like I have never had to trust before. I just have to! Otherwise I will become consumed by fear and worry.  She is the most precious thing in the world to me and God has given me the privilege of being her mom. So I will devote my life to being the best at that job as I can be!

I got alot more smiles from my little Kelsie-bug today so that always makes me feel better!

New "routine"

Finding a routine as a new mom was very important to me and I felt like Kelsie and I were finally getting the hang of it when life through this little curveball.  Because of the CF, we have had to add some medications and therapies to our daily routine. With a newborn, each day already seems filled to the brim, so when they told me I would have to add a whole new list of things to do, I wondered how I would manage. And after getting home and actually putting it in to action...I still wonder how I'm going to manage! Currently her "treatments" are more preventative maintenance and consist of: administering enzymes with every feeding, multivitamins, a reflux medicine, salt, and chest PT.  This may not sound like that much but with a newborn it is alot! The enzymes come in a capsule form so we have to break them open and give her the little beads inside.  In order to be absorbed, enzymes must be administered with something acidic...so we have to give it with applesauce. Yes, I have to give my 3 week old applesauce! So now feeding time requires a lot more time and effort. When its time for her to eat, I have to break open a capsule, take out 1/2 of the beads, get out the applesauce, put a little on the spoon, then add some salt to it, then spread it over the tip of the pacifier, then dip that into the beads, then get her to take it and swallow the beads....all while holding my hungry baby (read - typically crying baby).  I have to do this every single time I feed her, including those middle of the night feeds. And when she wakes up starving and all she wants to do is nurse, I just hate having to go through all these steps before I can give her the good stuff. Honestly, it feels like she is looking at me saying "mommy, why are you doing this to me, you are supposed to know what I want." When she makes that pitiful grimace, it just breaks my heart.  Asking a 3 week old to know what to do with applesauce and solid little beads in her mouth is just beyond what we can expect from her, we are asking her to be way more advanced than she should be at this age but she is learning. She still chokes on it at times when it goes down before she remembers she has to swallow. I am also trying to learn the best way to give everything and how to spread it out so she doesn't get sick. She already spit up a lot and adding all of this extra volume and nasty meds is making that worse.  At first, they told us to give her 1/8th tsp of salt mixed in with 3-4 ml of water! Let me just tell you that that is some highly concentrated salt water and would make anyone gag! The first time we tried this, I just cried and cried watching how sick it made her by just taking 1 ml. She made the saddest face and gagged but then I fed her and she acted ok.  Howeverm it must have made her nauseated because she ended up throwing up everything she ate. :(  I knew I was not doing that again until I figured out a better way. I have tried a few other things but adding just a little bit of salt to the applesauce/enzymes throughout the day seems to work better than giving the whole 1/8th of a tsp at once.  I know that all of this will get better as she gets older and can take the enzymes on her own and eat salty foods but right now, it is just really hard! Breastfeeding makes it even harder but that is not something I am willing to compromise. I am determined to figure all of this out and still breastfeed because I know that breastmilk is the best thing for her, especially now.

I am continually asking God to give me the strength and patience I need to manage all of these new things during this newborn period. I know we will get through it, day by day.

Diagnosis confirmed

We have officially received the news that Kelsie does in fact have Cystic Fibrosis.  A sweat chloride test was done that revealed a positive result for CF, so this confirms the DNA testing that was done following the newborn screening test. I don't even know where to start in terms of explaining where we go from here. The amount of information we received was quite overwhelming. Even though I'm a nurse and know quite a bit about CF, being a mommy to a baby with CF gives it a whole new meaning and learning how to manage it daily is something not even a medical background can prepare you for.

We had a full day at UNC on Friday where we met with a number of people from various health care disciplines. Unrelated to the CF, we started the day with a visit with Orthopedics to followup on her hip dysplasia. He readjusted her brace and told us that the hips are currently in place which is good news but as we were told before, she will need to continue to wear the brace until she is at least 12 weeks of age to ensure the structures around the joint tighten up.  After the ortho appointment, we were actually able to come home and rest before returning for a long day at the hospital. (Living just 10 min from UNC is definitely a blessing.) Before lunch, we returned to UNC where we got started with the sweat test. They prepared us that while the sweat test shouldn't be painful, Kelsie would likely scream throughout the test because her arm would have to be held down in an extended position for 5 minutes on each side. However, I was able to lay my face on hers and talk to her and kept her calm throughout the test which made it easier on us. The tech commented on how unusually well she handled it but I wasn't surprised. Kelsie has already proven to be a very tough cookie (and getting to snuggle with her mommy no doubt made it easier to tolerate!) After the sweat test was over, we made our way to the children's clinic where we would spend the next 4 hours learning more about Kelsie's diagnosis.  Ironically, I used to work in this clinic and know a lot of the staff so it felt very odd being on the other side of the fence. We were treated so well and everyone went above and beyond to make sure we were comfortable!

As I mentioned before, we met with a number of people from the team that will collectively manage Kelsie's illness.  This included the CF nurse, Pulmonary doctors, nutritionist, social worker, and physical therapist.  Each person spent a considerable amount of time with us going over information related to that particular discipline. The doctor and nurse emphasized that CF is a chronic illness, not a terminal illness.  And that while the current life expectancy is 38, that age is expected to increase dramatically in the coming years with the thousands of new therapies and treatments available.  Their expectations for prognosis were both optimistic and uncertain. They were very positive explaining how they expect Kelsie to live a long, healthy, and vibrant life full of normalcy and opportunity.  They expect her to have a normal infancy and childhood, going to playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties, play on high school sports teams, go to college, get married and do anything else she wants to do. They also explained that she will no doubt get sick from time to time just like anyone else. They do not want us to treat her any differently or keep her in a bubble, just make sure that everyone washes their hands well and try to keep her away from any sick contacts.  If she does get sick with a cold, for example, we just have to monitor her more closely and increase our home therapies to help her lungs get rid of the mucous. The reason for this is that in people with CF, the mucous in the lungs gets thick and can pool inside causing bacteria to grow more readily. It is important that we do chest PT daily (basically doing purposeful pats on her back) to help her lungs clear that mucous on a daily basis, even when she is not sick.

There is a wide spectrum of symptom severity in patients with CF and at this point, there is no way to know how severe of a case she will have.  The goal is to keep her as healthy as we can and help her achieve the best nutrition. When she is older, exercise will be extremely important as well.  We came home with a list of meds and therapies to start now. Research has shown that the earlier you start preventive therapy, the better the outcome. So even though she is healthy right now, we still have a daily regimen to help her body maintain the best nutrition and lung function possible.

As you can imagine, all of this has been so overwhelming and difficult to process. Some days I feel strong and sure as ever that we can do this and that she is going to be just fine. But others, I just breakdown feeling consumed by the magnitude of this illness and the diligence it is going to take on our part as parents to try to keep her healthy. I try not to let that get me down, though, because the reality is we still have our beautiful baby girl who is happy and healthy and doing all the normal baby things.  So I don't want to let any of this rob us of the joy of this precious newborn period.  She is such a great baby and makes us smile countless times in a day and I just love being her mom! We really do appreciate everyone's prayers and thank you for continuing to lift us up. We trust that, as with the other trials we have faced, God must have a purpose and a plan for all of this and He will give us the strength to get through it. I will do my best to keep this blog updated both as an outlet for myself, as well as to keep family and friends informed on how things are going. Thanks so much for all of your prayers and support!

Happy Birthday Papaw

Today Nathan's family came to visit and we grilled out hamburgers/hotdogs for Barry's birthday. It was a beautiful day and was nice to get outside and spend time with the family. Kelsie wanted to dress up for the party! ;)

Explosive!

Today was my first full day here with Kelsie by myself and she had the biggest poopy explosion yet...all over her onesie so I had to figure out how to change her without removing her harness. We often talked about a big blowout happening when I was by myself and how I would handle it (because bathing or dressing/undressing her is a 2 person job with this harness).  We were told by ortho that we could only remove 1 strap of the harness at a time to change her outfit. However....they obviously have never had to care for a newborn wearing this thing because it is truly impossible to do that without torturing the baby.  So all that being said, I knew I had to figure out some way to get the soiled onesie off of her on my own, without compromising her hips.  At first, I tried to cut it off but decided that wasn't practical, so then I figured out a new system and am proud to say I successfully got it off!

i feel much better now!

Still perfect

The joys of staring in the face of our amazing and perfect new person brings so much wonder and excitement. I never thought I could love something so much or be so mesmerized. Nathan and I have spent countless hours just staring at our baby girl, watching her sleep, watching her eat and move and grunt and yawn --just taking it all in. We stare at her and think how perfect she is and how wonderful and amazing it is that she is OURS. A creation by God's design, made from us. It is the greatest gift and blessing to be made her parents! And  no matter what diagnosis they give us, she will always be our perfect little miracle.

Weight check

We went in for a weight check today and was encouraged to find that Kelsie has gained 9 oz in 7 days! This is appropriate weight gain for any baby so I am very pleased to see that her nutrition seems to be improving despite her decreased absorption. She is still having very large, oily and explosive stools that are typical of pancreatic insufficiency. Once we see the Dr on Friday (assuming she does in fact test positive for CF on the sweat chloride test), they will start pancreatic enzymes which will help her absorb this fat instead of losing it through her stools. 

Aunt Ana also came today to visit, help me out around the house, and get Kelsie to her appointment. We are so blessed to have such supportive family and friends to help us around the house, provide meals for us and just be here for emotional support.

First 2 weeks

People aren't kidding when they say those first few weeks are hard. Sleep deprivation, C-section recovery, the Pavlik Harness, trying to figure out breastfeeding, (and then trying to figure our how to breastfeed a sleepy newborn) and worry over her pooping and weight gain were just a few of the challenges we faced in the beginning. Hearing about her hip dislocation was very discouraging especially when we learned she would have to wear the harness 24/7 for 12 weeks. I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to take care of her with this brace on all the time. Diaper changes seemed impossible (especially dirty ones), dressing her was going to be very limited, baths would be just spot cleaning, and holding her, swaddling her and even nursing her all had to be modified to work around the harness and avoid pulling her hips in.  Not to mention, the C-section made all of these newborn care tasks difficult as well.  On the day of discharge, I made sure they took an accurate weight (taking into account the weight of the harness) and found that she had dropped from her birth weight of 7 lbs1oz to 6 lbs 9oz. This didn't concern me at first because weight loss is expected in the beginning. I became more concerned, however, that she went a long time without stooling and her poops were not transitioning to a yellow color like they were supposed to. So when we went in for her NB check at 5 days old, she weighed 6 lbs 8 oz. The Dr. wasn't too overly worried about her abnormal stooling patterns but did check a bilirubin to make sure that wasn't a problem. That came back normal.

On Friday 3/4 (her due date) she had 2 appts, one with orthopedics and another one with her pediatrician. The Orthopedic said everything looked fine and would like to see her back in 2 weeks to readjust the harness as necessary. At the pediatrician, we had a weight check which showed that her weight had dropped to 6 lbs 6 oz...even though I felt that her feeding had improved.  I was also concerned because she still wasn't pooping but maybe once a day - sometimes not even that and they were still dark green (should be yellow at this point).  But her pediatrician again felt everything was ok and that it would soon start moving in the right direction.  We followed up again on 3/8 and her weight was still 6 lbs 6 oz. Technically she had gained 0.08oz so the pediatrician felt this was at least "some" weight gain and was ok just giving her more time to catch up. I, however, still felt anxious that I was doing something wrong in feeding her. I made sure I was feeding her every 2 1/2-3hrs and waking her up from naps and during the night as necessary to make sure she was eating well. Things started to improve and I soon felt sure that she was just slow to gain weight but never expected anything to be seriously wrong.

Then on Friday 3/11, when she was 2 weeks old, I got a call from the Pediatrician and was shocked when she told me there was an abnormality with Kelsie's newborn screening test. I had honestly forgotten all about that test, because from my perspective, my baby girl was just perfect and I never imagined any of those scary diseases would affect her.  Then the Pediatrician asked if there was anyone here with me...I said "no"...and she asked if I wanted her to call back when Nathan got home to tell me the news....and of course I said no, if there was something wrong, I needed to know. So she then proceeded to tell me that Kelsie's screen for Cystic Fibrosis came back elevated so a follow-up DNA test was done which showed 2 copies of the gene mutation for CF. She said this meant it was "highly likely" that Kelsie has Cystic Fibrosis but she would need a sweat chloride test to confirm. She had already made her appointments with a Pulmonologist and Nutritionist. This short conversation just sent my world spinning. I could hardly even comprehend what she had just told me but at the same time, the stories of all the kids I have taken care of with CF flooded my memory.  I simply could not believe this was happening to my little angel.  I immediately called Nathan sobbing and he left work that second, keeping me on the phone the whole way home. As soon as he got here, we got on the phone and called the Dr back so she could go over things with Nathan as well. Shock, devastation, overwhelming sadness, anger, and disbelief set in and made for the most difficult night I have faced. 

Breech legs...

While in the recovery room, a nurse from the newborn nursery came down and did a physical exam on Kelsie. As I watched her do the exam, I knew what she was checking for and was discouraged when she said "hmmm, I feel a clunk in her hip". I knew this was a bad sign and concerning for hip dysplasia.  Kelsie is such a well tempered baby and didn't even really whimper during the entire exam! As you can see in the picture above, her legs stuck straight out above her head, which apparently is very typical for breech babies. Very soon after we got up to our room, an orthopedic Dr came to evaluate Kelsie's hips and confirmed that both had issues, the right being worse as it was completely dislocating from the joint. :( This doctor did not provide much information at all but said that she would need to wear a brace to help correct the problem. And within just a few hours after birth, someone came up with a Pavlik Harness. Again, we weren't given alot of information, just told she needed to wear it as much as possible to keep her legs out. A man from orthotics fitted her with the brace, not the orthopedic Dr, so we didn't get much instruction.  From the beginning, I was very upset with this brace - the "boots" were made of hard plastic and it was put directly on her baby skin, causing redness and irritation in a matter of minutes.  But....I didn't have a choice and knew I would have to get used to it. This was such a downer time, I hated having to see my newborn baby be restricted by this brace and knew it was going to be very difficult caring for her with this thing.  It seemed difficult enough having a newborn to care for after just having a C-section and now this added even more complexity.

C-section

This C-section was no joke! I was really surprised how difficult it was. It was definitely much worse than I expected. They were not able to give me the good IV pain medicine in the OR because I was bleeding too much, so once the anesthesia wore off, I had very significant pain.  I wanted to concentrate on my precious little baby but the pain made it difficult to even hold her at times. Nothing could spoil those first moments with her, but I still wish I could have had her naturally! The pain was uncontrollable for a while and was a little overwhelming - not at all what I had expected. Once we got up to the post-partum floor, they finally gave me the good medicine and I was able to get some relief. The 1st week was hard moving around but things have gotten much better over the past several days. As much as I dislike the surgical part of it, I am still so grateful that they were able to deliver her safely, she was born healthy, and there were no surgical complications.

Welcome to the world baby girl!

On Friday Feb 25th at 8:19am, Nathan and I experienced the most amazing moment of our lives - the birth of our baby girl, Kelsie Caroline.  She came at 39 weeks born via a scheduled C-section delivery since she was breech. When she was born, they held her up over the screen so we could see and I can't even describe what it was like to see her for the first time! After 9 months of anticipation, the moment had finally arrived and it was simply wonderful! She was our perfect little creation and in that instant, we were overwhelmed with love and joy beyond words. They took her to my left and after doing their quick assessment, they handed her to Nathan who was sitting at my left shoulder.  Seeing him hold her for the first time made it even more real- this was our baby, our precious little miracle, and God had granted us the gift of being her parents. What an amazing feeling! As exhilarating as this was, I was soon reminded, that I was still undergoing major surgery. I didn't want to miss one moment of this time with my little family and this kept me distracted for the most part but it still was uncomfortable at times as they were finishing the operation. After we got back to the recovery room, I finally got to hold my baby for the first time! What a perfect moment and one I will never forget! I still get emotional as I remember how special it was to hold her skin-skin on my chest. She was so content and alert and Nathan and I were all smiles. Nothing compares to that moment!  We are so blessed with a perfect and beautiful baby girl, surely one of God's most amazing miracles!



"Its a big bright world out here!"



Loved her first bath!

Inexplicable

Perfection

Admiration