New "routine"

Finding a routine as a new mom was very important to me and I felt like Kelsie and I were finally getting the hang of it when life through this little curveball.  Because of the CF, we have had to add some medications and therapies to our daily routine. With a newborn, each day already seems filled to the brim, so when they told me I would have to add a whole new list of things to do, I wondered how I would manage. And after getting home and actually putting it in to action...I still wonder how I'm going to manage! Currently her "treatments" are more preventative maintenance and consist of: administering enzymes with every feeding, multivitamins, a reflux medicine, salt, and chest PT.  This may not sound like that much but with a newborn it is alot! The enzymes come in a capsule form so we have to break them open and give her the little beads inside.  In order to be absorbed, enzymes must be administered with something acidic...so we have to give it with applesauce. Yes, I have to give my 3 week old applesauce! So now feeding time requires a lot more time and effort. When its time for her to eat, I have to break open a capsule, take out 1/2 of the beads, get out the applesauce, put a little on the spoon, then add some salt to it, then spread it over the tip of the pacifier, then dip that into the beads, then get her to take it and swallow the beads....all while holding my hungry baby (read - typically crying baby).  I have to do this every single time I feed her, including those middle of the night feeds. And when she wakes up starving and all she wants to do is nurse, I just hate having to go through all these steps before I can give her the good stuff. Honestly, it feels like she is looking at me saying "mommy, why are you doing this to me, you are supposed to know what I want." When she makes that pitiful grimace, it just breaks my heart.  Asking a 3 week old to know what to do with applesauce and solid little beads in her mouth is just beyond what we can expect from her, we are asking her to be way more advanced than she should be at this age but she is learning. She still chokes on it at times when it goes down before she remembers she has to swallow. I am also trying to learn the best way to give everything and how to spread it out so she doesn't get sick. She already spit up a lot and adding all of this extra volume and nasty meds is making that worse.  At first, they told us to give her 1/8th tsp of salt mixed in with 3-4 ml of water! Let me just tell you that that is some highly concentrated salt water and would make anyone gag! The first time we tried this, I just cried and cried watching how sick it made her by just taking 1 ml. She made the saddest face and gagged but then I fed her and she acted ok.  Howeverm it must have made her nauseated because she ended up throwing up everything she ate. :(  I knew I was not doing that again until I figured out a better way. I have tried a few other things but adding just a little bit of salt to the applesauce/enzymes throughout the day seems to work better than giving the whole 1/8th of a tsp at once.  I know that all of this will get better as she gets older and can take the enzymes on her own and eat salty foods but right now, it is just really hard! Breastfeeding makes it even harder but that is not something I am willing to compromise. I am determined to figure all of this out and still breastfeed because I know that breastmilk is the best thing for her, especially now.

I am continually asking God to give me the strength and patience I need to manage all of these new things during this newborn period. I know we will get through it, day by day.