Each time Kelsie has had a CF checkup, we have received nothing but positive news. She's growing, her labs look good, her exam is normal, she isn't sick - she is happy and thriving just like any other 4 month old. Yet, despite everything going as well as it can, I still find myself feeling so down and depressed after these visits. Its almost as though I have to relive the diagnosis all over again. Even though I have accepted the diagnosis, I have yet to experience all of it. And I'm afraid that one day I will have to. The management of CF seems to kind of build upon itself and each visit brings something new and a little more involved. Nothing big and scary at this point and nothing that is worrisome or overly difficult, but new all the same. At first there was introduction of the enzymes and chest PT, then there was a chest x-ray and labs, then the sedation and pulmonary function testing and next there will be more changes and inhaled therapies and new ways of doing chest PT and more feeding challenges. Its all a continual process and a reminder that this will never go away! Kelsie will ALWAYS have CF. And no matter how badly I just want to take it away from her and bear that burden for her, I will never be able to. So as I was thinking through all of this on my way to work this morning, I became really emotional imagining the road my Kelsie will have to travel with CF. I was suddenly consumed by my fears and uncertainties. But then almost as soon as the tears started flowing, this song came on the radio - I lift my hands by Chris Tomlin. The timing was impeccable and as He has done before, God spoke to me through this song, reminding me to have faith and trust Him. For He is my refuge, my strength, and all my hope is in Him and what He can do.
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